Thistle (thistle_chaser) wrote,

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(I decided to cut this part out of the book review post because I don't want comments on it. It's not anyone out there, it's just me not wanting to talk about this or think about it more. I do want to post it though because it's part of the process and I want to keep it on record.)

Wednesday is Official Weigh-In Day, so here goes.

This diet is the most frustrating, stupid thing ever. If I did not have to do this for surgery, I would have (rightfully) given it up last week.

Previously to it, I ate fast food every day without fail. Some days I ate it more than once a day.
Previously to it, I ate cookies and candy every day, multiple times a day.

Cutting those things out, avoiding all fried and sweet foods, counting my calories for everything I eat, how am I NOT losing weight? Technically I "lost" a pound this week, but as I gained a pound and a half last week, it's not really a loss.

In my midweek spot checks, I was down more than I was today (the best one was two pounds on top of getting rid of the pound and a half gain from last week). How much can one cry "water weight!" though? And water weight will not be an excuse at the doctor's.

Luckily I'm still within the range of what the surgeon required me to lose, but I do not want to be just barely in that range. Having lost 12 pounds when he wanted me to lose 10-15 is cutting it WAY too close. And yeah, 12 pounds loss in four weeks would sound good, if it hadn't been 11 pounds lost the first week and then one pound in the next three weeks.

I'm just so frustrated and angry. I could be enjoying life and not losing weight or I could be suffering through life and not losing weight. It was all I could do to not stop and have a good breakfast on the way to work today. The only reason I didn't is that I have no choice. That makes this so frustrating on top of everything else. "Hey, not only did you fail, but you have to keep trying! You don't even get a choice in the matter!"
Tags: die die die, diet
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