Thistle (thistle_chaser) wrote,

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Jurassic World (no spoilers)

It's been more than five years since I last saw a movie in the theater, and after seeing Jurassic World, I can say it will likely be a lot longer before I go again.

I decided on the 2D showing, so $7 for a ticket.

I wanted popcorn. $6! Gods above, how in the world do people live with themselves selling it for that price? And on top of that, it was stale.

But, price aside, how was the movie? Meh.

When I saw the first movie, Jurassic Park, it was magical. Seeing the "live" dinosaurs was the most amazing movie experience I ever had -- it was like really seeing them for real. Jurassic World? Never felt even close to that. The dinosaurs looked realistic, but I never once felt like they were.

I spent much of the movie wondering why that was. Was Jurassic Park the first time we saw realistic dinosaurs on a screen? Were effects less advanced back then, so Jurassic Park was cutting edge? Probably both of those reasons were the cause.

Okay, so the dinosaurs were, at best, nice special effects, but how was the storyline? Bad. The movie logic? Meh. The characters/their actions? Utterly unbelievable.

Official Park Lady Person, when leading the T-Rex with the flare, KEPT HER HIGH HEELS ON? I mean seriously, what the fuck?

After killing something (raptor was it?), Official Park Lady Person and Star-Lord kissed? When we had established just moments earlier that she didn't like him?

Official Park Lady Person, who demonstrated just SECONDS before that she was more than competent with a gun, handed it back to Star-Lord as soon as he was on his feet? After SHE saved him with that gun?

I'm just so annoyed at so much of the logic (or lack thereof) in the movie.

Then there was the movie "experience" itself. Aside from the $6 popcorn, gone was that movie trivia that used to play before the movie (which, okay, I never liked much), replaced with 20+ minutes of commercials! And then, when the commercials finally ended, there was another 15-20 minutes of trailers for things I generally had zero interest in. The movie was billed as starting at 12:15, but it didn't start until well after 12:30. And yes, even that early, I was already checking my watch.

I checked my watch more than a dozen times, and at one point almost decided to just leave early (luckily the post-dinosaur wrap-up didn't last long at all, and the movie ended before I could decide to just go).

The one single good part about the experience was how empty the theater was. There were less than 15 people there total, and I had a row nearly to myself. The seats were comfortable enough, but the screen was a lot smaller than I remember movie screens being. There was no surround sound that I could hear.

It wasn't an awful movie, I just see zero (less than zero!) benefits to seeing a movie in the theater. It's going to take a hell of a lot to get me to go to a movie theater ever again.
Tags: movie: jurassic world
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