Pain shared is pain halved, so here's your share of it!
Lucius Malfoy and the Magical Pimp Stick
It had been a normal morning so far for Lucius; he had yelled at Draco, made out with Narcissa, and written a love letter to the Dark Lord. He was now sitting at his desk in his study polishing his cane. No one knew why he had a cane; some assumed that his knees had given out after kissing too many butts of his superiors, others believed that he was simply delusional and believed it was still the early 1900s, but nobody , NOBODY had guessed the truth. It was not a cane, it was in reality a Magical Pimp Stick.
Lucius loved his pimp stick. He polished it, and he talked to it. He was once even found worshiping it in his study; he had been decked out in full pimp attire and had been calling his magical stick "Big Daddy"
When did the love affair between Lucius and his Magical Pimp Stick begin? It all started one sunny day six years ago in 1990. Lucius had been walking through Knockturn Alley when he saw an amazing sight. It was a shop, but not just any shop, it was "Snoop Dawg's (a/n not to be confused with Snoop Dogg) House of Ho's"...
And another little clip:
...Three hours later, Lucius sat in front of his lord, his mentor...the one and only Barney. But Barney had decided that he needed Lucius to do something for him first, he needed him to kill Jerry Springer. For, as the big purple dinosaur had said, "That asshole Jerry is stealing all of my best viewers."
It makes me really sad to see stories like this posted. I'm wandering around like a lost little reader, looking for something good to fill the holes left by wonderful stories I've finished, and I stumble across stuff like this.
I'd say "I'm sure you worked hard on this, Tina Ignatio", but even you say that you did not. So why did you post it? Why did you take space, time, and effort that could have been put towards getting good stories online?
She got five good reviews on it, too. Stupid people, go read good stories and give those writers your feedback! Grump, grump.