Thistle (thistle_chaser) wrote,

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Bad Summaries of a Different Sort

So we have something of a mess here in California, right? People want to recall the governor.

We were sent a booklet, and in it all of the candidates could write up a paragraph about themselves. It's a sad, sad thing. How about some quotes from it? (Anything in italics will be from me.)

* Dear Voters, please vote for me, thus breaking the Seventh Seal and incurring Armageddon... -Trek Thunder Kelly

* ...I dream like Martin Luther King, for my Grand Children. Please vote for me and let us bring back the Glory of the Golden State. God Bless You and God bless California! As John F. Kennedy said, ask not what the state can do, but what you can do for the state. My Childhood Hero! -Vik S. Bajwa
Forget about the mangled quote, we had better not end up with someone who cannot grasp the rules of basic capitalization!

* My recent research has uncovered why children raised by single dads do better than children raised by single moms, why men now earn less money than women for the same work, why our sons now do worse in school than our daughters... -Warren Farrell
I think someone forgot to take his reality pill this morning...

* Please vote. (URL) -Way too many people.
Please vote for you because you cannot be bothered to write a single paragraph about yourself?

* You know the wonderful world that exists in television comedies -- a world where no matter what problems or conflicts arise, people work together to overcome any obstacle and, maybe, learn a little something? Wouldn't you like California to be like that? ... If elected, he pledges to solve all the state's problems in twenty-two minutes and forty-four seconds with two commercial breaks and a hug at the end. After all this turmoil, isn't this just what California needs? - Bill Prady

* I breathe. -Kevin Richter
That's the whole thing.

* May the Lord give you the wisdom of Solomon as you vote. I pray that the Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God will guide me in all decisions... -Diane Beall Templin
Separation of church and state. Separation of church and state. Separation of church and state. (Repeat as needed until this bad woman goes away.)

* With my skills as a filmmaker and arts administrator, I will work to return common sense to the California government. - Sorraine (Abner Zurd) Fontanes

As if all that wasn't bad enough, some of these people are fighting to give illegal immigrants funding to go to college here! And drivers licenses! GAH GAH GAH! They don't even want to call them "illegal immigrants" anymore. "Non-native Californians" and things along those lines. ILLEGAL ILLEGAL ILLEGAL! They should not be here, period, end of story! The only way I would ever agree to this is if every single *LEGAL* American got a free college education, and we just couldn't think of a single way to use up the rest of the money we needed to spend.

Insanity. Grr.
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