Thistle (thistle_chaser) wrote,

  • Mood:

Sometimes I worry about me

For those who never role-played on a MU*, role-playing is sort of like writing a story with someone else. I've been re-rereading some old scenes, and I find myself very bothered by one of them. In it I described the rather graphic torture of someone (a character I loved, no less). A big part of me is sick that I could have written that -- I'm not saying writing a description of torture is wrong, but it bothers me a whole lot that I not only did it, but did it well.

I know it's total fiction, but it worries me that I had (have?) the ability to make it seem so real. I don't want to hurt people (or any other living things), and I know it's not real, but it still bothers me so much.

I know a lot of slash writers will write about rape and non-con and worse, so I'm betting it doesn't bother them, so why does it me? Repeating again: I know it's not real and was never real, but I can't stop crying over it.

It's not real, no real people were hurt, but I feel so deeply guilty about it. Why? It's not real, so my reaction just doesn't make sense.

I just don't understand...
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