Thistle (thistle_chaser) wrote,
Thistle
thistle_chaser

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People boggle me

When given the choice of being mean or being nice, why do so many people choose to be assholes? When your options are to be helpful or hurtful, especially if it's a situation you're in the middle of, why would you be mean?

I've never hidden the fact that I don't like random people. I don't understand them, I don't understand how so many of them can just be bad, I mean like inside them. Mean on purpose, mean by choice. Sure there are some people who aren't bad and a few that are good, but so many people are bad and I don't understand why.

When it came to pass that I would have to start random partying on FFXI, I really hoped that I was wrong. (Which would be amusing, if you knew my whole life history. So many times I've hoped to be wrong about people, hoped that for some reason people would magically turn good/nice/helpful/reasonable/human, and I'm wrong each and every time. Quite clearly I never learn!) But with rare, rare, rare exception, the "best" people I have met while random partying were neutral ones -- ones that were just "not assholes", not nice or kind or funny or mature, just not the worst of the worst.

This is probably an overly dramatic way of leading in to me saying that tonight was one of my worst nights on FFXI in a long time. After two hours of seeking a party (and of course no invites), finally enough people were seeking so I could make one. (And dammit, I even had a RDM! PLD, WHM, BLM, RDM! I was finally giving these ever-bitching people what they wanted!) To fill the last slot, I asked a DRG. I always try to give invites to the people who get so few of them (DRG, MNK, THF). Big mistake on my part.

My very first /tell to Stefoni was "Would you be interested in pulling for an {experience point} {party} in {Bib Bay}?". Even when dealing with SAMs and THFs (jobs people would expect to pull with) I always phrase it like that. I want everyone to be clear what I'm asking them to do in a party. (And yes, usually I would not use someone's name in a post, but in this case I'd happily take out a neon sign with her name on it.)

So this HNM LS "winner" arrives, and the first thing she does is bitch at me about pulling. Hello? There was a THF seeking, I could have grabbed him! I was trying to be nice by asking you! But she pulls, all the while making 'onry' and other anti-JP "jokes" over /party (we had two JP members). I almost told her to cut it out, but I didn't want to break up the party over it. (And we'll just ignore the fact that she didn't have/use her wyvern at all the whole time.)

After a couple fights, she starts bitching about the XP, the SCs, everything. Finally she announces that the party should move to the Tree. No one replies, so she says it again, then a third time. Finally two others said okay, and I said I'd do what the party wanted. So we moved.

First fight in the Tree was a link and near wipe. Second fight she pulls 4 crawlers (which thankfully lost interest as she crossed water). Before the third fight she says the party has to break up. I (and others) asked why. "drk doesn't have gs leveled. all SCs suck with him. u need to level it!" I was torn between snapping at her, kicking her from the party, and crying/disconnecting. But instead I calmly said that I was working on it. She replied that the XP was sucking too much and she was leaving. The JP WHM said he was tired and we decided to break.

Hours seeking: 2
Hours partying: 2
Exp earned: 3K (with 1K "free" from the band)

I'm to the point of thinking that I must be a very stupid person. Seriously and deeply stupid. Why in the world am I doing this? Why am I putting up with all of these people? A "good" party has not yet been anything other than one that doesn't totally and utterly suck. That counts as "good". My average XP since random partying is probably lower than 2K/hour now. I'm having less than zero fun (negative fun, woo!), I'm a hell of a lot more stressed out by this crap than I am by my RL job-work, so why am I still doing this?

There's only one answer: I'm really stupid and I never learn.

Tomorrow I go back to WoW.
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