http://members.ozemail.com.au/~brussell/wiz.htm (Credit/blame for the link goes to isiscolo.)
Clip from it (small children, pregnant women, and the feeble should not read on):
"I know what'll take ya mind off having to wash ya own daks, Prof," said Hagrid, and girded his loins as he attempted his silkiest seduction line, dangling one huge thong off the end of his huge foot, tantalisingly. "Wanna root?"
"Nah, ta n'all," Snape was deeply moved by the offer from his friend, and was very tempted. Hagrid was, after all, hung like a Mallee bull, "but we got the office barbie this arvo. Gotta go make nice with that bunch of right bloody mongrels."